Breathe

Time to face facts…I ain’t losin’ weight like I should, and I think I know why.

I think I’ve been binge eating on some of my free days.

The other day I kinda finally realized that I was eating even though I was full- but then I still kept on eating anyway. I was basically thinking oh there’s only a little left, might as well finish it off, and I’m talking junk food here too- chips, popcorn, and dark chocolate covered pretzels.

Granted I don’t eat like that all the time, and I do eat healthier stuff, but clearly I need to change some things. Even though the Every Other Day Diet says you can eat whatever you want on your free days, I don’t think it’s giving you a free pass to stuff yourself sick.

Realizing this really, really, sucks.

I thought I was doing everything right- that my weight loss stalled because of my period or because I’ve been strength training and gaining muscle. The more I thought about that though, I realized I couldn’t be gaining THAT much muscle to offset the weight loss. According to my special little scale, over the past month and a half my muscle mass has increased by 1%, so if I did my math right that means that I probably gained about one pound and a half in muscle. However, considering I still have 40-50 lbs to lose, my weight loss shouldn’t have stalled the way it did just based on those factors.

So I need to be more careful on my free days, and try not to go so crazy. I think I might try to be more mindful when I eat, and really listen to my body. Not hungry? Don’t eat. You’d think something like that would be the easiest thing in the world.

Funny enough, I grew up in a household where my parents always told me to stop eating when I was full- they never forced me to clean my plate or anything like that. However, my older brother used to make fun of me if I ever left over any food, and sometimes I would stuff myself to shut him up.

Another thing I think I might try doing again is eating low carb and maybe just a tad bit healthier than I have been. Instead of letting myself indulge every other day, I’ll just let myself have one day per week to eat whatever I want…on the condition that I stop eating when I’m full, not stuffed.

All in all, I lost 4.2 pounds in April. My goal is five pounds a month, so it could have been worse. It works out to about a pound a week, which isn’t bad. I just felt like it shouldn’ve been more considering I’ve gone hiking several times the past few weeks now that it’s finally spring where I am, have done cardio workouts, and I’ve been getting 1-2 days of strength training every week too.

I’ve been really self conscious lately, and kind of down in the dumps. Despite having a bunch of interviews, I haven’t had any luck with getting a job yet. Because I’m unemployed, I’ve taken myself off the dating market because I feel like I don’t have anything to offer anyone. The only thing I feel like I can actually control is my weight loss…

But it doesn’t feel like I’m even doing a very good job on that front either.

It’s times like this that are the real tests. Sure it’s easy to stay motivated when things are going well, but when things start going south? Well, this is usually when I give up.

I just need to breathe, and try to be kind to myself. As Winston Churhill once said-

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