Loser

My dad took me out today to help me feel better about the whole not getting my dream job thing.

Poor guy. Early on in the day I had a total meltdown in the car with him as my trapped audience. However, after that I apologized and did my best to put on a happy face for the rest of the afternoon. All in all we had a good time time together. On a whim we bought some scratch tickets and I won $50 bucks! That’s the most I’ve ever won on a scratch ticket! We used it on lunch and ate like kings. Sorta. Nowadays I get full a lot quicker than I used too, so I try not to order too much.

Once he dropped me off back home though, I immediately went back to feeling like a total loser. I had an internal argument with myself about whether or not I should try to go out and socialize instead of having a pity party at home.

It was a long, rough argument.

I tried dressing up a few times, but felt hideous no matter what I wore until I finally found an outfit I felt almost confident in.

And so I headed out in hopes of attracting a mate.

No such luck.

Being in my early thirties, I’m willing to date guys from their mid-twenties to guys in their late thirties. It’s a pretty large pool I think. However, it seems more often than not that I come across guys who are either early twenties or younger or guys over fifty. It seems like all the guys in my age bracket are just not around, or always have a girlfriend (or boyfriend ha). Or at least it seems that way when I tried to find any.

To be fair, I keep going to the same places when trying to meet guys, so maybe I’d have more luck if I, oh I don’t know, went someplace different? Also I might be sending out negative vibes or something considering how shitty I’ve been feeling.

All in all it was a lonely night with only a late night dinner (which was mediocre at best) to keep me company. Although it’s a free day, considering I cheated yesterday, and ate late tonight, the scale is not going to be my friend tomorrow.

Part of my just wants to stay curled up in a fetal position and do nothing since it seems like I can never catch a break. The other part knows that you can’t catch a break unless you take a chance, and the more chances you take, the better your odds are of catching a break. Still, even you tell yourself you’re going to try a hundred times to throw a basketball in a hoop, although your odds are likely that at some point you’ll make a basket…

It ain’t guaranteed.

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